“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Proverbs 14:1
Blended families are filled with all sorts of emotions. Unfortunately most of them are negative emotions. There is usually anger, jealousy, bitterness, great sadness, just to name a few. Let’s add to that list, children are natural manipulators. In case you hadn’t noticed. Most blended families are going through a grieving process. For what was.
It is important that we also deal with our own negative emotions. We may not even realize that we have these negative emotions. I really thought that I had it pretty together until I became a Stepmom.
I often say that God gave me so many kids because I had so much in ME that needed to be worked out.
I hate to say it Stepmoms, but WE are the adults. WE must take responsibility to work out our own problems so that we can help our step children and children to grow in a mature and loving way. Most of all, I found for myself that I simply could not be a good Stepmom without God. I did not have a natural love for my Stepkids, I needed a supernatural one!
I sooo realize that it is easy to become resentful and place blame on the biological parent that seems to undo everything that you do. But again, it really does no good to place blame. Because once again you will be pushed into a corner to change your own heart or let chaos reign in your home. My Stepchildren’s Mom was an alcoholic. She would do so much damage to those poor children that there emotions would come out all sideways. And you guessed it…I was the target.
I was and still am not a perfect Stepmom, but I refused to blame the kids for these emotions. Although, I did my best to make sure that they took responsibility for there behavior. Sometimes though we are asked to do some things that don’t seem to make much sense. I remember when my Stepdaughter started pretending that she was sick and didn’t want to go to school. This use to make me so mad. I would make her go to school
…until one day when I was praying for her and about her and about my own heart ( I was becoming quite resentful and feeling manipulated) I really felt that God spoke to my ♥ and say that I was to let her stay home from school and that I was to give her all the love and concern she needed as if she were really sick.
It was really hard for me to give into God about this. I had all the “what if” fears swirling around my heart and head. I did not want to be manipulated nor did I want her to think she really was getting away with something, but I decided I would obey God.
So what happened. She stayed home maybe a total of 3 times. She got what she wanted and needed, my undivided attention. It didn’t hurt me or her. As a matter a fact when God speaks to our ♥ and we obey Him, He always works things for good! She never felt the need to stay home after that short time.