Well I promised to air my dirty laundry didn’t I!? This is ONE of the stories of how God has broken me from my pride…
My Father was a High School Principal so I had been around authority and kids for many years. I observed as my Father would discipline students..firm but fair. One of the jobs I had when my older kids were in school was a School Bus Driver. I worked with kids on buses for 7 years + had my own 4. I also helped with Sunday School and different activities that the kids were involved in. I can tell you that “I” knew how to handle children. “I” was really good at getting the behavior that I desired from kids. In a firm but loving way. You could say that “I” even had a gift of working with children.
One thing really bothered me! When I would see a child screaming and yelling at there parents and observe that the parents didn’t seem to be doing anything about it. or When I would see a child running away from their parents or just acting out in any kind of inappropriate way and the parents just seemed helpless to do anything. You get my picture.
I would think to myself “if that were MY child…”
I judged many a parent and child during those years. Until….I had my Son. After successfully parenting 4 older kids and working with children for many years, I guess God decided it was time to put a stop to my prideful judgment.
So after having a Tubal Reversal God gave us the miracle or our Son. My pregnancy was bliss. I read many books about how my childbirth would go..I was having a VBACK after not having children for 16 years. I was going to have my baby at home and all would be well. All would be just as God had created it to be…and I would have another beautiful little baby to raise to be a Godly Man or Woman for His Glory…
Without going into gory details I can tell you that my childbirth was a nightmare..I ended up bed ridden for almost 2 months. That’s a whole other story…
I did finally recover though, and began to notice right away that my little boy was unusually sensitive to sounds and lights. He would cry if he heard a grocery bag rattle. My husband and I attributed much of this too his traumatic birth experience. He cried all the time and I could not figure out why? I felt so frustrated as a Mom..because I knew how to be one didn’t I?
My son was sooo smart. At 6 months old he would point to things and say “what’s that?”. He would turn a magazine or book right side up when it was upside down. I’d never seen a baby do that before. After about 6 months thing seemed to get better. He became a happy little normal baby…until he hit about age 2 1/2.
Oh my..he began to scream at every person that even looked at him. He would run away from me at the grocery store. Not only did he run away but he would try to run outside! He hated singing and music of any kind. If a sweet little old lady approached him in the store he would literally scream in her face..a lot. Nothing I would do would seem to stop this awful behavior. I had hoped…this was just a phase…
Then when he was in his 3’s one of his older sisters got married. He hated the singing and the organ and began screaming. I had to remove him from the sanctuary and go downstairs… Yes I missed my daughter being walked down the isle. I was heartbroken and angry. What was up with this child.
I had had all the answers before. I thought about all of the times I had judged others as they stood helplessly by their flailing screaming child. Ok God I get it now..lesson learned..can we move on now?
We would drag our son into church kicking and screaming. Others would gossip to one another about what problems they thought he might have. I knew this because I had actually overheard several of these conversations. My heart was broken. My spirit was broken. God why did you give me a child like this?
He was so smart and bright and loving (when he wanted to be) He loved his family and played nicely with other kids.
One day as I sat broken and crying out to the Lord during worship at a Bible Study the Lord spoke clearly to my heart..”Your son will never have peace until he asks Me into his heart” YeS …. that’s it, of course, why hadn’t I thought of that! I would get my son to accept Jesus into his heart and all would be well. I had high hopes about this..
So I promptly went home after Bible Study and began talking about Jesus more than usual. About how He died for our sins/mistakes and that if we ask Him into our hearts that we would live forever and ever with Him. It was a wonderful time of chatting and asking questions. When we were done I said “would you like to ask Jesus into your heart too?” “NO” he said. “well why not?” “I don’t want anyone inside me!” Hmmm I guess it’s not time. However I was eager to get Jesus in his heart so that we could have some peace!
We continued on with this VERY strong will of his. He told me one day when he was in trouble and I was giving him consequences “you can do anything you want to me, but you can never change my heart!” He was FOUR years old when he said this! Oh boy…I read every Godly parenting book I could get my hands on with this child. They all had great suggestions…some worked some didn’t.
My son finally asked Jesus in his heart when he was about 4 1/2. I wondered if this would make a difference or if he really had asked Jesus in his heart. But little by little God would give me little nuggets to hang on to. Signs that He was at work in my son. I held on to these little nuggets as if they were precious gold because they were few and far between.
My son continued to be a screamer..for a long time I was sure our neighbors would call the police..but deep in my heart I knew that God was abiding in him doing a work that even I as his Mom could not see.
I could tell you story after story of horror and blessing with this child, but one thing I know for sure is that I have never judged another parent OR child again. My pride was broken in a way that to this day humbles me and makes me cry.
And so you see…that is why that little story yesterday about my son is so precious to me …….because sometimes when you are parenting..it’s just so hard to stay in the game..day in and day out. Then one day you see a grown young man or lady standing before you and you thank God that He is bigger and mightier and smarter than even the wisest Mom
Proverbs 16:18 “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall”
“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” 1 Peter 5:5b
Linking up with Faith Filled Fridays!