How God Stole Away my Pride With a Special Gift
Well I promised to air my dirty laundry didn’t I!? This is ONE of the stories of how God has broken me from my pride…
My Father was a High School Principal so I had been around authority and kids for many years. I observed as my Father would discipline students..firm but fair. One of the jobs I had when my older kids were in school was a School Bus Driver. I worked with kids on buses for 7 years + had my own 4. I also helped with Sunday School and different activities that the kids were involved in. I can tell you that “I” knew how to handle children. “I” was really good at getting the behavior that I desired from kids. In a firm but loving way. You could say that “I” even had a gift of working with children.
One thing really bothered me! When I would see a child screaming and yelling at there parents and observe that the parents didn’t seem to be doing anything about it. or When I would see a child running away from their parents or just acting out in any kind of inappropriate way and the parents just seemed helpless to do anything. You get my picture.
I would think to myself “if that were MY child…”
I judged many a parent and child during those years. Until….I had my Son. After successfully parenting 4 older kids and working with children for many years, I guess God decided it was time to put a stop to my prideful judgment.
So after having a Tubal Reversal God gave us the miracle or our Son. My pregnancy was bliss. I read many books about how my childbirth would go..I was having a VBACK after not having children for 16 years. I was going to have my baby at home and all would be well. All would be just as God had created it to be…and I would have another beautiful little baby to raise to be a Godly Man or Woman for His Glory…
Without going into gory details I can tell you that my childbirth was a nightmare..I ended up bed ridden for almost 2 months. That’s a whole other story…
I did finally recover though, and began to notice right away that my little boy was unusually sensitive to sounds and lights. He would cry if he heard a grocery bag rattle. My husband and I attributed much of this too his traumatic birth experience. He cried all the time and I could not figure out why? I felt so frustrated as a Mom..because I knew how to be one didn’t I?
My son was sooo smart. At 6 months old he would point to things and say “what’s that?”. He would turn a magazine or book right side up when it was upside down. I’d never seen a baby do that before. After about 6 months thing seemed to get better. He became a happy little normal baby…until he hit about age 2 1/2.
Oh my..he began to scream at every person that even looked at him. He would run away from me at the grocery store. Not only did he run away but he would try to run outside! He hated singing and music of any kind. If a sweet little old lady approached him in the store he would literally scream in her face..a lot. Nothing I would do would seem to stop this awful behavior. I had hoped…this was just a phase…
Then when he was in his 3’s one of his older sisters got married. He hated the singing and the organ and began screaming. I had to remove him from the sanctuary and go downstairs… Yes I missed my daughter being walked down the isle. I was heartbroken and angry. What was up with this child.
I had had all the answers before. I thought about all of the times I had judged others as they stood helplessly by their flailing screaming child. Ok God I get it now..lesson learned..can we move on now?
NOPE…
We would drag our son into church kicking and screaming. Others would gossip to one another about what problems they thought he might have. I knew this because I had actually overheard several of these conversations. My heart was broken. My spirit was broken. God why did you give me a child like this?
and yet…
He was so smart and bright and loving (when he wanted to be) He loved his family and played nicely with other kids.
One day as I sat broken and crying out to the Lord during worship at a Bible Study the Lord spoke clearly to my heart..”Your son will never have peace until he asks Me into his heart” YeS …. that’s it, of course, why hadn’t I thought of that! I would get my son to accept Jesus into his heart and all would be well. I had high hopes about this..
So I promptly went home after Bible Study and began talking about Jesus more than usual. About how He died for our sins/mistakes and that if we ask Him into our hearts that we would live forever and ever with Him. It was a wonderful time of chatting and asking questions. When we were done I said “would you like to ask Jesus into your heart too?” “NO” he said. “well why not?” “I don’t want anyone inside me!” Hmmm I guess it’s not time. However I was eager to get Jesus in his heart so that we could have some peace!
We continued on with this VERY strong will of his. He told me one day when he was in trouble and I was giving him consequences “you can do anything you want to me, but you can never change my heart!” He was FOUR years old when he said this! Oh boy…I read every Godly parenting book I could get my hands on with this child. They all had great suggestions…some worked some didn’t.
My son finally asked Jesus in his heart when he was about 4 1/2. I wondered if this would make a difference or if he really had asked Jesus in his heart. But little by little God would give me little nuggets to hang on to. Signs that He was at work in my son. I held on to these little nuggets as if they were precious gold because they were few and far between.
My son continued to be a screamer..for a long time I was sure our neighbors would call the police..but deep in my heart I knew that God was abiding in him doing a work that even I as his Mom could not see.
I could tell you story after story of horror and blessing with this child, but one thing I know for sure is that I have never judged another parent OR child again. My pride was broken in a way that to this day humbles me and makes me cry.
And so you see…that is why that little story yesterday about my son is so precious to me …….because sometimes when you are parenting..it’s just so hard to stay in the game..day in and day out. Then one day you see a grown young man or lady standing before you and you thank God that He is bigger and mightier and smarter than even the wisest Mom
Proverbs 16:18 “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall”
“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” 1 Peter 5:5b
Linking up with Faith Filled Fridays!
Let me just say, this is my first time reading your blog and God must have led me to it! I can identify almost exactly with what you went through. Not only does my daughter do the exact same things (just turned two and incredibly strong willed) I’ve gone through postpartum depression turned clinical since having my daughter for 2 years! It hasn’t been easy but your article gives me so much more hope. I will not lie, when I read that turning 3 didn’t change anything I wanted to cry. I find myself wishing my daughter’s life away because I’m ready for her to be a “good” child! I worked in retail management and used to swear I’d “never let me child act like that”…HAH! Jokes on me! :/
I hope a simple thank you will suffice and you will continue to share your journey as it DOES inspire other moms! 🙂
Ps…I just found you through SITS! 🙂
Hi Kerry,
Oh boy my heart aches for you 🙁 I know it is sooo hard. I had a friend that would say to me..”he’ll grow out of it” But it seemed like he never would. Day after day..hard times.
During the time that God had spoken to my heart about my son inviting Jesus into his heart I was taking a class at my church. It was called “wounded by shame, healed by grace” it was all about dysfunctional families and how we are sometimes shamed as children. Anyway to make a long story short..I remember that one of the sessions was about not being ashamed or embarrassed about how our own children act out. That was quite the revelation to me because I always thought that my kids were a total reflection of ME! I felt so ashamed when my son would act out in public. What a failure of a parent I was. Then because of these feelings I would get angry and not handle things very well. So you know what I would do..yep..I would “shame” him! Not good.
I really had to pray and grow out of this. I had to come to the point that I was a good parent and that it was my son’s choices that were making life miserable for him and me…even in public. I had to get to the point that it didn’t matter what others thought so that I wouldn’t feel ashamed when my son acted out. and then in turn shame him!
I really had to find a way to give consequences even in public..even if it meant leaving a store because of bad behavior. 🙁 Of course all along..I would beg God for His grace to deal with this child. It changed ME sooo much!
I know what it’s like to be waiting for this type of child to be the “good” child…I even at one time had to write a list of all the good things that I saw in my son so that I would not get discouraged. I had a running list so that when he did something “good” I would write it down. and then during the hard times I would go to that list..I would be able to see YES we are making progress!
Hang in there Kerry because one of these days this will be your testimony too 🙂 I promise!! My Son is now the easiest one of my 3 at home now..can you beleive that. And yet he still has his quirky stuff. Hmmm maybe I do too 😉
Please feel free to email me anytime..I would love to pray for you and encourage you! Thank you for stopping by and sharing you heart. May the Lord pour His grace and mercy on you today!!
Blessings
PS I do have a post in the workings regarding this 🙂 of course 🙂 LOL
What a beautiful story, and what a learning experience. Before we had my son, I used to look down at people whose children acted up in public and I said, any child I have won’t do that.
It took just the one child, not only to humble me this way, but in many ways.
Great post! I too had a rough start with my baby girl and things are just starting to get better @ almost 6 months old! I was on bedrest as well till I had to have her almost 2 months early. I too had planned to have a beautiful natural birth in my mind and ended up with exactly the opposite! Becoming a mom surely changes the way we judge people, raising a child is a whole lot harder than it looks!
Hi Tunde! Oh yes isn’t it so very disappointing 🙁 Oh we get over it and all but what a disappointment. Just a word of encouragement though..My next 2 babies were born natural and at home! 🙂 So don’t ever let this birth keep you from having your dreams! Blessings to you and thanks for stopping by!
I love this nice story.Because i think that, I’ve need to learn from you by this article. You’re great for your huge experience, which can help us to look forward and enjoy the life.
Awww thanks Blaise you are very sweet 🙂 We all need some hope don’t we 🙂 Blessings!
{Melinda} I pretty much want to cry when I read this post. God has blessed me (and I mean that!) with two very strong-willed, unique children with special needs (challenging needs, but not visible to the human eye). And I know I have been judged. But I only have to answer to one Judge and His name is Jesus.
Jesus knows my heart, He knows how hard my husband and I work to shape their wills and guide them in the right way. He knows how inadequate we feel at times.
And I can honestly say, as I am neck-high in the trenches that I am grateful He gave them to me JUST AS THEY ARE. It has shaped my character, humbled me and made me have a compassion for others I would never have had otherwise.
My children have amazing gifts that will continue to emerge as they grow and mature. I am so blessed that they are mine.
Thank you so much for posting this!
Awww Melinda you make my heart cry :)…in a good way. Yes God is definately in the business of bringing us into a position of compassion for others isn’t He. In his own way and in his own time. What a wonderful sweet Mom you are to those boys of yours. They are so blessed to have you! The Lord does sooo know our hearts and our childrens hearts. Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. Many blessings to you! 🙂
Thanks for your transparency, Shari!
Our testimonies won’t mean anything unless we share it with others. No matter how difficult and humbling it is to share, God will use our testimonies for His glory and for our good.
This sounds like a great testimony to share at a MOPS (Mothers Of PreSchoolers) gathering ~ does your area have any MOPS groups?
Hi Deb! Yes we have several MOPS groups in our neck of the woods..I LOVE MOPS! I was heavily involved and was a Mentor Mom for a few years…but have had to step down just do to the busyness of my life right now. 🙁 We definately need to share even our hardest testimonies..for God’s amazing Glory. Thanks so much for stopping by!! Blessings!
Hey Shari,
What a wonderful post! 🙂 I can relate to your challenges, as my son was a lot to handle – big time! He grew up to be a wonderful, caring, and sweet son, husband, and father. There were many times that I questioned this! lol Thanks for the post =)
Thanks Tammy! Wow isn’t it sooo amazing to look back, it’s hard to believe that they are the same boys. Hope you had an awesome weekend! Blessings!
Shari,
Wow…each of us has stories of how we’ve been humbled, but bless you for sharing your testimony, particularly, “thank God that He is bigger and mightier and smarter than even the wisest Mom.”
Amen.
Peace and good to you and your family.
Hi Chelle! You are so sweet 🙂 Yes God has his ways doesn’t He..but He is ever so good to us..I look back and wouldn’t trade it for all the world. I’m not such a “wise Mom” anymore..just humbled 🙂 LOL Blessings and thanks for stopping by!