Helping Our Teens Move Past a Failure Part 2
Yesterday I was telling you about the goings on around our house lately and how we are helping our teen to move past a failure. Today I’ll give you the low down on the exact things that God is showing us regarding this difficult time.
Embarrassment ~
For the Parent –The first emotion and feelings to deal with were the feelings of embarrassment! How could you? Why would you? What will people think of you? What will people think of us? Ok you get the picture! In our own selfishness we were really more concerned at first with our own image. Sometimes we forget that it’s not about us! LOL Our pride stepped in big time and our concern was only what things looked like on the outside and not what was going on on the inside. Thankfully we did not share this much with our child because the burden of consequences is bad enough.
For the Teen – They have their own set of standards don’t they? I know that for my child, they have higher expectations of themselves than we do. This kind of failure can really cause self doubt, lack of self worth and embarrassment.
Solution: Let your child know your disappointment. Remind them…lovingly, that we are a reflection of God and that we do not live to please ourselves. However we need to step outside of ourselves and love as Christ did and think more about our child than your own selfish pride. We do not live to please man but God and we should not be worried about what others think.
Let your teen know that EVERYONE makes mistakes but it’s what you do with your mistakes that determines your destiny.
Sadness ~
For the Parent – Sometimes our emotions can carry us away, we can say things that we don’t really even mean. It’s super important the we not let our emotions determine consequences or cloud our thinking. Take a few days to grieve and cry it out so that your heart and mind are clear to hear God.
For the Teen – Teens process differently than adults. They may isolate, become defensive and angry, but the truth is that they are very sad. Give them a little while to process just like us. You may need to remind them that it is ok to be sad about the situation and it’s ok to cry. Even for boys.
Solution: Take time to grieve and think clearly. In other words “Act don’t Re Act!”
Shocking ~
For the Parent –Maybe I’m just a bit naïve, but I like to think that my kids are practically perfect. Oh I know they really are not and that they have their fair share of mistakes but there are just some mistakes you think that your kids will never make! Wrong! After parenting 7 kids, I have learned that they each have their own personalities, their own desires and for sure their own sinful nature. There is just no changing any of it.
For the Teen – Teens shock themselves. My own teen said “I thought I could be a leader, but I gave in to peer pressure”
Solution: A lesson for us ALL…not one of us is immune to temptation. Not us nor our children. We must all admit that our flesh is weak and that we need to stay away from anything that might tempt us, because the “tempter” is just waiting to tear us down. Better safe than sorry. When we do find ourselves in a tempting situation we need to rely on the Holy Spirit for guidance or FLEE..
“Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22
I’m going to leave you with this for today…I’m pretty long winded on this topic because we are in the midst. But the Lord is blessing and so I don’t want you to miss out.. Part 3 more hands on..
The timing of this is excellent — not for me (my kids are littles!) but for someone close to me that I’m sharing this with. Thank you for writing!!
I’m so glad Sarah…thank you for sharing 🙂 Have a blessed day!
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. We have a new teen in the household anything I can learn from other experienced parents is a blessing!
Thank you for sharing this on the Art of Home-Making Mondays as well!
Thank you Jes. I will be praying for you as you navigate the WONDERFUL teen years. A blessing but at times a little overwhelming 😀 Have a great week!! <3
Thanks for this detailed post & great reminder. If we can’t help our teens move past failure, they won’t be able to handle much of life, will they? So glad I stopped by from the Art of Homemaking link-up. Blessings!
This is an EXCELLENT post! We have 5 kids and were foster parents to 35 others. You bring up so many valid points in this, like “In our own selfishness we were really more concerned at first with our own image. Sometimes we forget that it’s not about us!” I hate admitting it, but it’s the truth. Also that our teens are surprised by their own behavior. True. They are still growing and figuring out the parameters they need to put into place for themselves. And what you said about how we think our precious kids won’t do certain things and then..boom. Ouch! Great, great post. It’s so important for me to remember they are still good kids AND I am still a good mom — the child might have made a mistake, but the mistake does not define him or her.
You are so sweet Sara. I think that that’s the best thing to remember when trouble comes..because it will in some way or another..as we have all learned. They are STILL GOOD KIDS! 😀 It’s a scary world, but God has not forgotten our kids. Thank you so much for stopping by! Blessings!