I awoke yesterday to a beautiful Fall morning..we have been blessed with some amazing weather here in the Pacific Northwest lately. I was excited and anxious to start the James Bible Study by Beth Moore with gals that I had praying for since becoming a group leader in our new/old church ( a church we used to attend ) I didn’t know any of these beautiful women, but without a doubt I knew our hearts would be bound together by the love of Christ.
Out to the kitchen..got to get that coffee and then I remembered that I had wanted to bring a little snack to Bible Study so I made some deelish Coffee Cake. Coffee Cake can be sort of old fashioned but I have a great recipe..so at 5:30 I’m whipping that up..anticipating the fun and fellowship. I put the Coffee Cake on one of my favorite serving trays and I was quite pleased that I could accomplish this before 6:40!
Anxious to get to church early to meet and greet my group, I ran out of the house as my morning always starts..at 6:40 to meet my Grandson and get back to finish getting ready. I put the key in the ignition and nothing..my Van had been acting up lately..I turned the key again as my heart sunk and my mind whirled..it would not start. Now what Lord? I had just met my Co Leader the day before and thankfully she lives close by me, as much as I hated to ask I called to catch a ride with her after my Grandson was dropped off.
Not such a good start to the day! Ok Lord..I’ll just focus on Bible Study and You and not let this distract me from being led by your Spirit. Upon arriving it took some time to get my Grandson checked in. It had been about 9 years since I had been to this church and everything is done electronically now..whoosh..boy do things change. After settling him into the 3 year old class I head on up to the “smaller” Sanctuary for Ladies Life.
I entered the large room..and what caught my eye was not the amount of tables and chairs and ladies busily buzzing about, but the tables! Most each table was being very carefully and extravagantly decorated. It looked like a room full of Pinterest Pictures… Something like this..
and the food looked something like this..
No I am not kidding!! Suddenly my homemade Coffee Cake seemed..well not so appealing :( Ok I’m going to be brutally honest..I love this kind of food and decorating but these days I’m lucky to make it out the door with a shower and Bible in hand for a Bible Study..which by the way..you are NOT going to believe this..I FORGOT my Bible!! Yep…the group leader forgot her Bible! OOPS!
Want to know all of the things that went through my head?
- I don’t belong here
- You have definitely picked the WRONG person to lead a group Lord
- These women aren’t going to feel loved because I didn’t decorate our table and make fancy snacks
- I am not leader material
- Oh yes the famous “what are the other ladies going to think”
- I didn’t even have napkins or forks..what was I thinking or NOT thinking
- I’m definitely going to be fired after today
I decided to go to the bathroom to re-group and ask the Lord to help me. In 3 short hours I had been reduced to a no good, beaten down, useless group leader! How could that happen? Well the enemy for one of course..he does not like it when we do Bible Study and grow in the Grace of the Lord.
But even more important..I had let this whole thing become about me. As I looked around and felt so inferior…I began to compare myself to others. A BIG NO NO..I had started focusing on myself rather than on the ladies and on the Lord. Did you know that insecurities and inferiority is really a self focused way of thinking. An idol if you will. My eyes had gotten off of the Lord and onto other people and onto the beautiful things of this world…not that the beautiful things are bad..but are they drawing me away from the Lord and His purposes for ME.
So I emerged from that bathroom renewed in my Spirit and not really caring what the tables looked like..as a matter of fact my change of heart and mind enabled me to admire and enjoy the beauty of those tables.
As for my table.. you might wonder..I grabbed some napkins from the coffee shop and called it good. After taking time to get to know all of our ladies that morning we all agreed that the Lord had put us each in this small group together for various reasons and we all look forward to the growth that will take place in our hearts.. the focus was not on me or the table but on the Lord where it belonged.
Spending those few minutes talking to the Lord and refocusing on what Bible Study is really about also freed me to love those gals the way Christ would want me to …not with an earthly love, but a supernatural love that only Christ can give..
How about you..We all compare ourselves to others sometimes don’t we..What throws you off track and tell me how you get refocused…