If you missed Part 1 of this Legalism series…all you really missed was my life as a Zombie..for real! But let’s move forward…
After becoming a new creature in Christ, I simply cannot tell you how much my eyes were opened to the wonder of God’s amazing world, His goodness, His mercy..the whispers to my heart that changed my life forever. I was truly made new.
So how did I stumble into the Wizard of Oz Poppy field and fall asleep? It was a very sneaky and deceitful thing. Legalism
Was my life perfect? Absolutely not. I had become a single Mom, had a very low paying job and of course I was still battling my flesh..for it remembered the old life and was just learning the new life. One thing was for sure though, God’s great love for me..nothing could make me turn away from his acceptance of me..for past sins and future sins. Yes, He loved me so!
I had an unexplainable joy that took away my fears, that comforted me through the hard times. I would lay my head down on the pillow at night and sleep well, knowing that my Father looked after myself and my 2 daughters.
A few years later God brought a Godly man into my life. We got married and blended a family together. It was very tough..but I would not change it for the world. The growth, the love, the change..it was worth it. For my Father knows what it best.
I grew and grew in the Lord..attending every women’s bible study I could possibly attend. Leading groups and studies and loving my fellow Sisters.
There is a beautiful side of legalism that lures a person in
I was attracted to women that stayed home with there babies…I longed to have been a Mom like that. I felt different from the rest…for their pasts were not like mine. But God would not let me separate from them. He showed me that the only thing we needed in common was Jesus Christ..and therefore we were Sisters.
Even still..I started to become discontent. I wanted to be like these other women. They seemed to me to have the “perfect” family life. In my heart I wanted to start over and have babies and stay home. Then a funny thing happened..my husband began to mention that he would like to have babies together. What?! For real? Well my tubes had been tied for 16 years, but with much prayer and direction from God..He opened the doors financially and we found a Dr. that did tubal reversals.
Soon my tubes were untied and 2 months later I was pregnant.
This was surely a miracle. My husband and I prayed and felt that the Lord wanted us to turn this area of our lives over to Him and so along came 2 more babies after that.. So now we had 7 children.
The friends that we had made were like minded too! Yes we had a wonderful set of friends and families that we fellowshipped and worshipped with. It’s nice to be with like minded people, not just biblically..but that have the same personal boundaries and goals for their families as yours. You can encourage one another in those things that are of the Lord…Such as giving over the area of how many children we would have to the Lord and not use any kind of birth control.
I felt so unsure of how to parent these last 3 children when they were so young…that I looked to these Women as role models. Their lives seemed so perfect..their children perfect, well mostly. I had grown up in an alcoholic family and had not gotten sober until my older kids were in 1st and 3rd grade. So I was filled with fear that I would do something wrong with these younger babes…ruin them somehow.
It’s a funny thing what legalism does…it fills you with fear and at the same time it makes you feel superior..
In my heart I began to think that maybe I had some sort of super spiritual insights from God that others just had not had. That I might have greater faith because we leaned on God so heavily to provide our faith in the area of childbirth. I loved everyone…but still in my heart..I began to feel a bit superior…
Luke 18:10-12 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other men – extortioners, unjust adulterers, or even as this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I possess.’”
Something began to happen to me over those years ahead…
The “trees” seemed to become dull again, I heard God..but it seemed different. The funny thing was that I appeared to be walking so close to God, but in reality my heart was going to sleep..a deep sleep into legalism
It was much like when Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz saw the beautiful field of Poppies and was so excited and distracted by their beauty. She got distracted from her real journey..the “kingdom” that lay ahead..it was so close..but the beauty of those Poppies was so alluring. She did not stop to think of the intoxicating effect and began to fall into a deep sleep. Excerpt from the Wizard of Oz:
“They now came upon more and more of the big scarlet poppies, and fewer and fewer of the other flowers; and soon they found themselves in the midst of a great meadow of poppies. Now it is well known that when there are many of these flowers together their odor is so powerful that anyone who breathes it falls asleep, and if the sleeper is not carried away from the scent of the flowers, he sleeps on and on forever. But Dorothy did not know this, nor could she get away from the bright red flowers that were everywhere about; so presently her eyes grew heavy and she felt she must sit down to rest and to sleep.”
Everything seemed so bright and beautiful…but the hidden danger was there and she was distracted from her real journey…
I was beginning my slippery descent into legalism and my eyes started to focus more on Man than God…More on the outward appearance than the heart..
I knew what I wanted was to get to the Kingdom but this beautiful field…well it just seemed so right…soo beautiful…