I miss my Mom at this time of year. She died of Cancer 15 years ago. My Mom loved Christmas! Christmas was sort of her time of year when she would work so hard to shine and make everything perfect for our family. Even when things were less than perfect with her alcoholism.
1 year before my Mom died of cancer, she had gotten sober. I was 38 years old and thought I would never see that day happen. So many years of devastation..but I never gave up praying for her. She finally went through a treatment center for alcoholism. While in there, she called me to come see her and while I was there she asked my forgiveness. I’ll never forget the words she said, “Shari of all the kids, I know that you are the only one that will forgive me. I’m so sorry for all of the years I have hurt you.” Of course I forgave her.
I received such a blessing in my heart that day..because I knew this was a gift from Jesus. So many years had gone by with no acknowledgment of the wrongs done against my siblings and I. Wow..I was so excited for this new life and relationship to begin. I would finally have the Mother that I wanted…needed. The Mother that I had once had to refuse her phone calls. The Mother that I had once had to grieve that I would never have. A new life with her would had begun.
I was so proud of her! It is not easy to admit you are an alcoholic. She began having a thirst for God. I couldn’t believe it. I was so happy and thankful.
Then one day my Mom called..she had been sober for about 4 months and she had just come from the Doctors. All I really remember was her saying the word “Cancer” I couldn’t believe it. I encouraged her that we would get through it and all would be well…But it wasn’t….
9 months later..I walked into the nursing home. I didn’t know that it was the last time I would see her. I was so relieved that she was there. My Step Father was not taking good care of her and didn’t like hospice coming to there home. I thought..in my own naïve way, that she would get better now that she was in nursing care.
After being transferred over to the Nursing facility I went right over to visit. I brought 2 spring dresses for her to change into while she was staying there. They were just pullover t shirt type tank top dresses. She had complained quite a few times that my Step Father would not dress her and that she thought she might feel better if she could just get dressed. I knew she would love these dresses.
When I arrived she was unable to speak, but she lifted up her hand to show me her beautiful fingernails. Her friend must have come just before I arrived and given her a manicure and done her fingernails so beautifully. They were long, with little tiny jewels on them. They looked so healthy..unlike the rest of her body. Oh how my Mom loved to LOOK just right. She had been a top Executive for many years for a local bank in our area…
My heart sunk into my stomach and I could see that my fantasy of her EVER wearing these dresses would never happen. I had only been at the Nursing facility for about 20 min. when I had to duck into the bathroom in her room. I thought I might faint. My stomach was sick and it hurt….
I was 8 months pregnant. All of my dreams of having this Mother and Grandmother to my children were gone in an instant. Of finally having the relationship that I long for my whole life..gone.
I had to get out of there. I hugged and kissed my Mom goodbye and left those dresses sitting on a chair beside the bed. “Bye Mom, I’ll be back later tonight ok?” It would be the last time I ever saw her…She died 2 hours later.
How I wish my Mom were here today to meet the last 3 of her beautiful Grandchildren. She would be so blessed. How I wish she had more birthdays and that her life would not have been cut so short…she was only 58.
I am so thankful for the American Cancer Society! For 100 years they have tirelessly worked to find a cure for Cancer. This year alone more than 11 million Cancer survivors will celebrate another Birthday because of the progress they’ve made! I pray that this year you will join in the fight against Cancer so that many more would have a chance to live and celebrate another birthday. Let’s not let Cancer steal from us our loved ones.
This post is sponsored by the American Cancer Society
Your post has left me crying for you.
I am glad you and your mom were able to make peace with one another before she died. I am sorry she was taken from you so soon after that.
AAww thanks OneMommy..I do have such peace though. I was the only child that she apologized to and was able to share alot about the Lord with her. I pray she is with Him today.
Blessings to you.
This is a beautiful post….
Thank you Ann 🙂 and Thanks so much for stopping by!
Blessings to you.
Shari, what a beautiful article you have written.
Your Mum sounds like she was a lovely dignified lady and it was wonderful to know that she was able to apologize to one of her children.
What thoughful and caring friends she had, to manicure her nails for her; that made me smile.
My Mum was promoted to heaven just before her birthday in 2000. It seems like only yesterday, we were extremly close.
I often say to myself, I wish she could have seen my little granddaughters, she would have loved them so much.
I console myself, as I know that she can see them from heaven and watches over them from her vantage point.
I give God thanks too for the American Cancer Society and for the British Cancer Society, I pray that a cure will be found soon!
Have a blessed and worshipful weekend.
Hi Carole, You are so sweet. It was a blessing for me to have my Mom apologize. God is so amazing and so faithful to heal His children…even if it takes time 🙂 I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mum 🙁 I’m quiet sure she is smiling down on your beautiful Grandchildren.
I didn’t even know there was a British Cancer Society! That’s awesome…Between them they ought to find a cure..wouldn’t you think! Thanks so much for stopping by! and Blessings to you!
thanks for sharing your story. some years ago,when i was starting to get to know my mother in law, it hit me that i really did not know my mother that much.it was a light bulb moment.
now i m glad that a week never passed that i will burn the phonelines just to reconnect with her and i am glad that i have done while she is still alive.
Sarah that is so sweet! I love that you take time to get to know your Mom..weekly..she is very blessed to have you as a daughter! Thanks so much for stopping by! Blessings
Shari, Big tears are welling up in my eyes and I can hardly type this out. This touched me deeply.
Cancer has invaded my family also. My mother was also an alcoholic, so I can relate to your disappointments and HOPE. Thanks for sharing a bittersweet memory. Hugs!
AAaaww Kimberly thanks so much for stopping by Sister 🙂 I pray that we will bless our children the way that we always needed and wanted to blessed. By the way….I love Peppermint and I’m gonna hop over and see what you’ve got cookin! 🙂
Shari,
I lost my mom this past Valentine’s Day. She had been in a nursing home for quite about three years and, for the last couple of Christmases was very forgetful. We really havn’t had a real Christmas with her in quite a few years, so it never occured to me that this will be the first Christmas without her. Your post made me think about all of the good times that we had.
Although my mom didn’t die of cancer, we have not been untouched by this terrible thing. My oldest was diagnosed with a rare form of eye cancer when he was 15 months old. He is 15 years old now and, thankfully, is cancer free but has an artificial eye. We are big supporters of the American Cancer Society.
I’m sorry for the loss of your Mom Tim. I’m glad however that this post reminded you of the good times. I think sometimes it takes us time to get past the hurt and loss to move on and smile at the good times we use to have.
I Praise the Lord that your son is Cancer free!! I have a 15 year old son and it would be so hard to see my baby with Cancer and pray (as any parent does) that we never have to go down that road. Thank you for supporting the Americal Cancer Society!! And I pray that your son will have an excellent and blessed life for many, many years to come.
Dear Shari,
Thank you for sharing this story. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you find peace in the knowledge that your mum is with the Lord. This year, I lost my maternal grandmother to uterine cancer. She was 83; the disease stripped her of her independence, strength but even then, never her fighting spirit. At my former company we supported the annual Race for Life. I join you in thanking those who work tirelessly to find a cure and fight cancer.
God bless,
Jaime
I’m so sorry Jaime for your loss. Grandmas are the BEST! Your Grandmother sounds like she was an awesome person and a wonderful example. I thinks it’s awesome when a company takes on the challenge with there employees to fight something like Cancer. Thank you for joining in! Blessings to you and thanks for stopping by!
Wow, Shari! Thank you for sharing something so personal. My mom was inflicted with an essential tremor 11 or so years ago and every year it just gets worse. She’s needed 24 hour care for some time now. She has such a beautiful spirit and attitude about it all but I can’t even imagine not being able to do basic things for myself like brush my teeth or go to the bathroom. It’s tough. And I’m grateful to you for sharing your struggle then…and now.
Hi Fawn! I’m so sorry about your Moms tremor. Life can be so hard, but I’m so thankful for people like your Mom that know how to have such a beautiful spirit in the midst of her trials. What an awesome example she is to us. Thank you for sharing.
Hello Shari,
I really feel your pain, I lost my dad 5 years ago of lung cancer. I miss him so so much. We were very close. I actually went into a deep depression a few months after his death having to leave work on dissability. I still strugle very much with my emotions. VERY VERY Hard.
God bless you.
Hi Antoniette! I’m so sorry for your loss. It is so very painful that words really cannot express. I’m glad that you were able to get back to work after some time of grieving. You know, I’ve kind of come to terms with the fact that I don’t think God wants us to really just forget the pain. I think He created us to be a magnificent feeling person so that when others hurt we can share His comfort with them the way we have been comforted. Imagine if we just forgot about how much it hurt…we would not be able to minister to others very well. I pray that you will continue to find comfort and healing in God’s loving arms as time goes by. Thank you so much for stopping by.
I so feel for you! I so wish you had had more time together.
Awww you are so sweet. Thank you 🙂 And thanks for stopping by! Blessings
Thank you for sharing your story. How beautiful and touching. My mom died of cancer when I was only two years old, so like you I also had a mom I never knew.
Hi Barb,
Thanks so much for stopping by. I am very sorry for your loss also..wow..2 years old 🙁 Blessings to you!
Hey there! I’m happy to feature your post today on our “Share a favorite post and woo us to your blog section.” Of course we’ve already been wooed! 😉
AAwwww..Thanks so much Esther 🙂 You are so sweet!
What a beautiful post, Shari. It brought tears to my eyes. I’m so glad you were able to forgive your mother but sad that you didn’t have more time together. I had the scare of my mother having breast cancer and my father prostate cancer, but I’m very lucky that both cancers were caught early. I treasure the time I have with my two now-healthy parents. I, too, am thankful for the American Cancer Society!
Hi Deb! Thank you for stopping by and reading 🙂 I’m so very glad your parents are doing well also and that you have many years to enjoy them. What a blessing! 🙂
That is beautiful, Shari. Thanks for sharing.
Awww..thanks Lora. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas! Thanks for stopping by!
Blessings to you and your family 🙂
Thanks for sharing…
It is nice to remember our moms……
My kids never got to meet their grandmother either.
Oh well in Heaven we all will God willing.
Hi ZombieMommy,
I am thankful that we will be in heaven together someday! Have a Merry Christmas and thanks for stopping by!
I just stopped by here because of a link from craft gossip and found this post. I, too, grew up with an alcoholic mother (and father) who passed away in her 50’s from health issues. Thank you for sharing something so intimate. It is hard to raise children without a grandmother. I am sorry that she didn’t get to see who these children are and that they didn’t get the gift of her love. I’m sorry that your mother didn’t get to know your children, either. It speaks highly of you that she knew you would forgive. Blessings to you this Christmas.
Hi Mama B. Thank you so much for stopping by! I too am very sorry for your loss. I hate Alcoholism and what it does to families. I am so thankful that God had healed my heart to receive my Mom’s apology, because my sister lived in bitterness for many years..sometimes I think it even helped her to die early 🙁 It’s an icky way to live! Stop by anytime! 🙂 I pray that you have a very Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year!
Blessings
58 is such a young age! I’m so sorry for your loss, Shari. There is nothing like losing your mother. Thanks for sharing your story, and for sharing the ACS video. They have done so much for cancer patients and their families!
Yes it was sad, But God gave me a baby 2 months later and I was able to focus on him and learned lots’ of lessons along the way. You know even when things are so hard God is always working to grow us to His image and it is so true that He works all things to His glory. Thanks for stopping by!
Blessings!
Thanks for sharing that part of your life with us Shari. It left me crying for the pain you must have in your heart, Bless you for sharing this with us.
Michelle
Awww you are so sweet Michelle. I truly believe God allows us to go through things so that we may help others 🙂 I hope it helps someone 🙂 Blessings!