I like to say “YES” to my kids as much as possible, that way when I have to say “NO” they “know” that I mean it. I really don’t even like to say “NO” to my kids because I love to see the smiles on there faces when I say “YES” to something and I hate to see the sad faces when I have to say “NO”. Or I just plain hate the struggle that saying “NO” is going to cause.
Yet if kids don’t learn to take our “NO” and obey it, much harm could occur. We as parents have a responsibility to teach our children to handle the answer “NO”
The reason I bring this topic up is because I have 1 tween and 2 teens living at home right now. Teens love to challenge parents in many ways. Challenge the boundaries, challenge the authority, challenge our ideas and ideals. I say “YAY” to this. Oh I know I will raise an eyebrow for saying this, but really it is a normal part of growing up. We are not raising robots..right!?
It is very important though that by the time they reach this age you have set the standard for your “NO’S” and your “YES’S” That they have learned to trust you and respect your decisions even if they don’t like it.
The other day my 14 year old daughter was taking pictures of her new Student ID Card. So I said “what are you doing” of course she said “taking a picture of my Student ID Card”. I asked her what she was going to do with that picture of her ID Card.. She smiled and said “Oh I’m posting it on Facebook so everyone can see my picture”
Ackkkk..Let’s see pic ID has full name, picture AND what school they attend.
“NO WAY” I said! And began to explain why..let me tell you, you would have thought that I took away her phone or something. She was sooo irate at me. She told me that 14 friends had already posted there’s and why couldn’t she.
Nope, Nadda, No Way, Forget it, Ain’t gong to happen…Let’s see how many ways can I say ‘NO’
I calmly explained why and told her that she needed to be the leader and tell all of her friends why they should not have their Student ID on there either. She got really mad at me and stormed off. However later that day I caught her telling her friends why they should not be putting their Student ID on Facebook.
I know it’s hard to say ‘NO’ but it is our responsibility. We need to protect our children and that simple little word is sometimes all that it takes to keep some of the unthinkable to happen. Let’s not be afraid of the harmful damage we think our “NO’s” can be to our children and let’s not shirk back from a little conflict when we know in our heart of hearts we are right.
And most important..when they are receptive to your correction..later that day..give a big ol hug! Yep even to teens!
Tell me how you handle conflict with your kids when you say NO to them. Do you give in? (oh by the way I do sometimes) Or do you stand your ground?