I Was There..When God sees..Sexual Abuse Awareness Month


Did you know it’s

I realize that this is a very sensitive subject..but it is very unhealthy to not talk about it..in my opinion.  So let’s open the door a crack and let God and others in.  You will be so glad you did.

I’m pretty open about my life..not because I have a lot to say but because my heart breaks for those that have been through similar circumstances..and sexual abuse is one of them.

Growing up with an abusive step dad was very hard.  Not only was he verbally and emotionally abusive,  he was sexually abusive.  That was so many years ago,  but it took many years of heartache and God’s amazing love to heal the wounds and scars that were left by this man. 

This is just a little story about God’s amazing Grace,  Love and Healing in my life.

When I began my healing journey from abuse one of the ways that I coped with a lot of the abuse in my childhood was by talking it out with my Sister who also endured abuse.  I also went to counseling,  was involved in twelve step groups and bible study groups.  Talking and sharing with my sister was really more helpful to me than anything.  Why?  Because she was there.  She knew everything and what our home was like..no explaining..she knew.

Well about 11 years ago my Sister died of AIDS.  I remember when she died how empty I felt.  I was so grieved and heartbroken.  Although she was not a believer until just before she died,  she had helped me in my healing journey in so many ways.   Who would I talk to now?  How would I ever find someone that “knew” what things were like?

A couple of years past and still I was grieving.  Oh I had moved on and found reasons to laugh.  I continued to live a productive life with my family..but deep down..deep down in my heart..I ached.  I would never have someone that  “knew”  like she did.

Another year passed,  it had now been 3 years.  I remember it like it was yesterday,  or maybe like it was even today.  I was driving down the street crying out to the Lord.  Even though I didn’t really NEED to talk to someone anymore about the abuse I still needed it to be a part of who I am,  because of course it was a part of me.   Somehow when my sister died..it all seemed like a dream..like I had no one  who just  “knew”.   

“Lord,  when will I be happy again.  When will that deep down joy come back into my life?”   “Who will I talk to about all of our childhood dis function?”  “Nobody else knows how bad it was?”  “Nobody would even believe me if I told them”  Tears were streaming down my face and my heart was just broken…

And then I heard it:  As deep as it will ever go into my heart 

“I WAS THERE”  “I SAW EVERYTHING” “YOU WERE NOT ALONE THEN AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE NOW”  “I WAS THERE”

The Lord spoke so clearly to my heart that I began to laugh..I know..nutty..but true.  He WAS there!  My God was there!  My God knows!

Believe it or not,  since that day my heart has been totally healed.  No heartache,  no emptiness..it’s gone.  Because God was there and if I need someone to talk to..I just go to Him because He saw.

Of course I miss my sister terribly but I can live joyfully knowing she is with the Lord and that He was there for her too.

I pray that if you know anyone that has been abused or you have been abused yourself..that you will know that nothing escapes the Father’s eyes for:

“The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry;  the face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth.  The Righteous cry out,  and the Lord hears them;   he delivers them from all their troubles.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”  Psalm 34: 15-18

I am not trying to paint a pretty picture of the hurt and heartache that abuse has had in my life,  but I do want to assure you that there truly is healing.  I want you to know you are not dirty,  it was not your fault and you are most loved!  If you need prayer or someone to talk to..please feel free to email me. 

For more resources and help you can go to:

Focus on the Family
National Child Abuse Prevention Month: Get Involved #VetoViolence

http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/docs/saawarenessmonthposter.pdf

Sexual Abuse Facts:

1 in 4 girls are abused as small children

1 in 7 boys are abused as small children

Sexual assault takes many forms—it is any unwanted sexual contact, including rape, attempted rape, and child sexual abuse. It can affect people of any gender, age, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or ability.

 

Comments

  1. says

    Thank you for sharing this difficult personal post. I too have had to overcome childhood abuse of all kinds. I am glad you had your sister while you did. I am sorry you lost her. I can’t imagine the void you have in your life now. You sound like a wonderful and strong person. I admire you and your faith.

    • says

      I’m sorry Heather…I too am sorry for your abuse :( I so appreciate you stopping by and sharing. I’m thankful that I had my sister too…it’s been many years now since she went to be with the Lord. I find a lot of peace in that because she had such a hard time in this life…I’m sure because of the abuse we had..she is at perfect peace now though and that makes me happy :) Blessings to you and have a great weekend :)

  2. says

    You may have been broken once, shattered even , but whatever happened in the past definitely did not define who you are right now. On the contrary your courage and honesty made you beautiful even more.

    Thanks for an inspiring post !
    sarah recently posted..The Art of Letting GoMy Profile

  3. says

    What a beautiful post, Shari. Not what happened to you, but your openness and how you dealt with it. I too was abused as a child – not sexually – but other forms. Up until a few months ago, I was a mess and just trying to ignore and deny what happened. I finally opened up because I wanted to live a joyful life and not one of sadness, regret, and fear. I began seeing a counselor and also got more involved in church. Through His help, I am on my journey to healing and it’s just been an incredible thing. I get so excited now to see what He has been doing in my life and in others.
    Thank you so much for sharing, Shari! Know that you have been a real blessing to me, among others!
    Erika @Musings From a Stay At Home Mom recently posted..TGIF Giveaway Linky – April 20, 2012My Profile

    • says

      Awww thank you Erika. You are so sweet. Good for you to lay your heart before the Lord and seek out some help. The Lord will truly bless you with a freedom and joy that only He can bring. I will pray for you on this new journey. You also are a blessing to me Erika and thank so much for taking the time to stop by! Many blessings to you!

  4. says

    Shari, this post is just ONE of the many reasons why I love you! Your transparency can be a healing balm to sooo many! Thank you for encouraging us to break the silence, and support each other in this very very difficult topic.
    I was molested by several individuals for many many years growing up (from age 3 to about 11), and I thank God every day that I am now a fully restored, fully healed child of God! Wasn’t an easy journey, and certainly, my husband has been a HUGE player in my healing.
    So, thank you for this article – are you writing a book? I love your style!

    • says

      Hi Bess! You are sooo sweet! and I LOVE you too!! I am so very sorry for your hurt, but so very thankful for your healing and restoration! God is soo amazing isn’t He? I am especially blessed to hear that your husband has been a big part of your recovery. Many husbands simply will not “enter in” to the healing process. You are blessed!!

      As for a book..I have thought about it..unfortunately time isn’t on my side right now..maybe someday..You are a great encouragement to me!!
      Blessings to you!!

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