Did you know it’s
I realize that this is a very sensitive subject..but it is very unhealthy to not talk about it..in my opinion. So let’s open the door a crack and let God and others in. You will be so glad you did.
I’m pretty open about my life..not because I have a lot to say but because my heart breaks for those that have been through similar circumstances..and sexual abuse is one of them.
Growing up with an abusive step dad was very hard. Not only was he verbally and emotionally abusive, he was sexually abusive. That was so many years ago, but it took many years of heartache and God’s amazing love to heal the wounds and scars that were left by this man.
This is just a little story about God’s amazing Grace, Love and Healing in my life.
When I began my healing journey from abuse one of the ways that I coped with a lot of the abuse in my childhood was by talking it out with my Sister who also endured abuse. I also went to counseling, was involved in twelve step groups and bible study groups. Talking and sharing with my sister was really more helpful to me than anything. Why? Because she was there. She knew everything and what our home was like..no explaining..she knew.
Well about 11 years ago my Sister died of AIDS. I remember when she died how empty I felt. I was so grieved and heartbroken. Although she was not a believer until just before she died, she had helped me in my healing journey in so many ways. Who would I talk to now? How would I ever find someone that “knew” what things were like?
A couple of years past and still I was grieving. Oh I had moved on and found reasons to laugh. I continued to live a productive life with my family..but deep down..deep down in my heart..I ached. I would never have someone that “knew” like she did.
Another year passed, it had now been 3 years. I remember it like it was yesterday, or maybe like it was even today. I was driving down the street crying out to the Lord. Even though I didn’t really NEED to talk to someone anymore about the abuse I still needed it to be a part of who I am, because of course it was a part of me. Somehow when my sister died..it all seemed like a dream..like I had no one who just “knew”.
“Lord, when will I be happy again. When will that deep down joy come back into my life?” “Who will I talk to about all of our childhood dis function?” “Nobody else knows how bad it was?” “Nobody would even believe me if I told them” Tears were streaming down my face and my heart was just broken…
And then I heard it: As deep as it will ever go into my heart
“I WAS THERE” “I SAW EVERYTHING” “YOU WERE NOT ALONE THEN AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE NOW” “I WAS THERE”
The Lord spoke so clearly to my heart that I began to laugh..I know..nutty..but true. He WAS there! My God was there! My God knows!
Believe it or not, since that day my heart has been totally healed. No heartache, no emptiness..it’s gone. Because God was there and if I need someone to talk to..I just go to Him because He saw.
Of course I miss my sister terribly but I can live joyfully knowing she is with the Lord and that He was there for her too.
I pray that if you know anyone that has been abused or you have been abused yourself..that you will know that nothing escapes the Father’s eyes for:
“The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry; the face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. The Righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34: 15-18
I am not trying to paint a pretty picture of the hurt and heartache that abuse has had in my life, but I do want to assure you that there truly is healing. I want you to know you are not dirty, it was not your fault and you are most loved! If you need prayer or someone to talk to..please feel free to email me.
For more resources and help you can go to:
Sexual Abuse Facts:
1 in 4 girls are abused as small children
1 in 7 boys are abused as small children
Sexual assault takes many forms—it is any unwanted sexual contact, including rape, attempted rape, and child sexual abuse. It can affect people of any gender, age, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or ability.